Going in Circles (Again!)

November 17, 2011 at 8:03 pm (Musings...)

I was up early again this morning. I dreamed that someone stole the Toyota Echo. People kept taking me to the Toyotas in the area (are dreams ever real circumstances?). I kept saying, “No, this isn’t mine.” I never did find it!

I’ve been going in circles, the kind of circles I go in when I have a new health concern to deal with and I can’t concentrate on even doing the normal things in my life.

I don’t mean what I will say next to sound morbid or that I’ve given up on living… I haven’t! But… I’ve got the dying part figured out! I know where I’m going. I believe that when I am absent from this life, I will be “present with the Lord.”

That being said, up until now, the issues I am afflicted with will not kill me. They just make living life more complicated. The reality of it is that I must always edit my life, without completely stopping the things I love to do. My singing voice isn’t as powerful, nor does it have the stamina needed to sing for a long time. When I play keyboards for a long rehearsal session my back starts to spasm. My band mates look stage left and I am doing my yoga forward bend when I am not playing. My eye issues make creating jewelry or painting difficult just because my right eye usually doesn’t work with my left eye – I can force this issue for short periods of time, but can never have a “creating marathon!”

I can go through some days with little pain, but most days I am desperate for that first pain pill as soon as I open my eyes. Now there is the new issue – a possible TIA. I have tests scheduled for next Tuesday. I will know sooner than later whether it was a mini-stroke caused by a heart or artery issue, a growing glioma, or just a unique occurrence – because I am a unique gal!!

My fabulous hair stylist, Lindsay, colored my hair yesterday. I look fabulous! I’m wearing my pink “princess” sweatshirt. My coffee is divine. Today, my friend, Juel, is coming to visit me. She is my sounding board and will help me work through some of these things. God has indeed blessed me with her.

I will figure this out. It will take time but I must face what I am feeling and deal… It would help if the powers that be on Facebook would help me get back on my page. I am not holding my breath 🙂

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