My Lament ~~ His Promises

March 15, 2012 at 6:28 am (Multiple Sclerosis, Scripture References, Trigeminal Neuralgia)

Those of you who know me understand that for 22 years I have struggled with MS.  About 4 years ago, I developed trigeminal neuralgia – the most painful thing I have ever dealt with in my 52 years of life. In 2010 I had MVD surgery for the TN, which was unsuccessful.  In May, 2011, one of the meds I was taking caused me (very briefly – see my post, “Seeing In Color Again“) to contemplate suicide.    In November of 2011, right before Thanksgiving, I had a mini-stroke.  I certainly understand that compared to others, my battles are minor occurrences, but quite honestly, in January of this year, the weight of it all overwhelmed me ~~ I was in my hole, deeply seated, where I felt safe.   Then… two months ago… I went off of an MS drug, Betaseron I had been taking for 8 years and I was diagnosed with (albeit) mild hypothyroidism.  For a 6 week period, I was going one of my doctor’s each week and on their scale, my weight was up 3 pounds… each week!  That was the proverbial straw…

I messaged my cousin, who is a registered dietitian, and she gave a food plan recommendation.  I started making those changes, but I saw no results.

I wore the last pair of pants that really fit me to church on Sunday and as I was talking to my sweet friend, everything crashed together.   I have struggled with anorexia and bulimia in my 20’s and 30’s and I understand that slippery slope.  I am feeling (mostly self-imposed) stress leading up to my darling Amanda’s wedding in 9 days.  I am tired of fighting.  My friend knows a lot about holistic medicine and did some research for me, as I did research on hypothyroidism.  She called me Sunday afternoon and said that she thought my adrenal glands had shut down.  (Incidentally, one of the nurse practitioners suggested I see an endocrinologist but I rejected that as I do not want to add another doctor to my list).  We – well really — she read the information she had found and the recommendations, which are mostly vitamins.  The suggested food plan for adrenal gland issues is a low-carb diet.  I have given up my Frosted Flakes for breakfast and replaced it with Greek yogurt.  I had already made some of these moves based on my cousin’s recommendation.  I have lost 8 pounds of water weight in the last week!

Another long story shortened.  Yesterday I went to The Wellness Store with my list and Wanda helped me.  After the wedding I am heading back there with my list of meds so we can work to counteract my reactions to them.  I need my medicines, but they have many adverse side-effects.

Now to the real reason for this post.  As I crawl out of another hole…   In January another of my sweet friends, Danielle, recommended a devotional, “The One Year Book of Hope.”  To be honest, I bought it within the week, but really didn’t look at it, except to read Nancy Guthrie’s bio.  Two weeks ago, my spirit sensed that this was the book I needed to study.  Today’s devotional was titled, “Bitter beyond Words.”  In the “digging deeper” section Ms. Guthrie suggested I read through Lamentations 3:1-66 and write down what I can relate to in verses 1-20 and what me gives me hope from verses 21-66.

As I always say… “New Morning, New Mercies.”  “I am moving forward with J-O-Y.”  It is a constant battle to win, but I move forward, claiming His promises.

My Lament (Based on Lamentations 3:1-20)

I am the woman who has seen affliction.  Surely against me He has turned His hand.   He has walled me in so that I cannot go out.   He has made my chain heavy.   Even when I cry out and call for help, He shuts out my prayer.   He has made my paths crooked and has filled me with bitterness.   My soul has been rejected from peace, I have forgotten happiness.   So I say, “My strength has perished.”

My Remembrance of His Promises (Based on Lamentations 3:21-66)

The Lord’s loving kindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail.   They are new every morning.   The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him.   The Lord will not reject me forever.  If He caused grief, He will have compassion according to His abundant loving kindness.   You have heard my voice.   You drew near when I called on You.   You said, “Do not fear.”   You have redeemed my life.

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4 Comments

  1. Tabitha said,

    This is beautiful. I am thinking and praying for you. Have you ever seen a chiropractor? Ergo to a really great one in ebensburg (all of us, even grey & gem). He has a beautiful philosophy about healing the spine will allow our bodies to heal itself. It’s Brouse family chiropractic, if you wanted to look into it. Our whole family managed to stay flu free the whole winter without shots!

  2. Bonnie Pruitt said,

    Amen Mel!
    I have been, and will continue to uphold you in prayer daily! You are an inspiration how you remain so faithful especially when you have so much pain. Your parents named you well! Melody(e) – You always have a song for our Lord, and Joy – because you always strive to go forward with joy! Don’t let anything steal that joy from you!
    God bless you my friend!

  3. Danielle said,

    I’m so glad the book has been something that has helped you in your battle with joy!

  4. briana said,

    Melodye, I am a friend of Amanda’s from her days in MD, mostly at Towson. My name is Briana and I worked w/ CCC at Towson where I first met Amanda. I’ve been reading your blog for a little while now and am encouraged always by your honesty and persevering fight to honor the Lord and to know His joy. While my own battle with chronic pain has not been long nor nearly as severe, I am appreciative whenever I find another whose battle is similar and who is brave enough to write about it. Thank you. I pray for you when I read your posts. I’m excited for Amanda and you, your family and friends to celebrate Amanda’s upcoming wedding. I will be praying for you that weekend and ongoing. With great respect…

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