Mixed Media Pieces and Other things…

May 7, 2015 at 10:01 am (Uncategorized)

Jesus, You’re the center of my joy,
all that’s good and perfect comes from You.
You’re the heart of my contentment, hope for all I do;
Jesus, You’re the center of my joy.

When I’ve lost my direction, You’re the compass for my way,
You’re the fire and light when nights are long and cold.
In sadness, You are the laughter, that shatters all my fears,
when I’m all alone, Your hand is there to hold.

This song has been running around in my head all morning.  Maybe that’s because I’m working on some mixed media pieces that include the word “joy.”

As promised, I will try to explain why you haven’t heard from me since September.  I was in a very dark place and I just couldn’t be open and vulnerable.  It started when I began to take an extended release of an opiate on top of the same opiate.  I just wanted to leave this world.  I wasn’t actively looking for a way to end my life, but I would have been okay with just not waking up.  It took me a little bit of time to recognize what I was feeling.

At first it was just darkness… It is hard to write about and describe but if you’ve had those feelings, you understand.  When I realized what was happening, my first thought wasn’t to call a psychiatrist (although maybe it should have been) but to figure out what had changed in my life.  I am through menopause, my kids are doing very very well and my darling hubby is still my darling DannyO.  The only change was the extended release on top of the regular opiate.  (They are now gone from my house!!!)  I talked to my PA at the neurologist’s office.  He said that it was one of the more obscure side effects.  The same medicine takes my Mom to a bad place so since I am her daughter it stands to reason it might have the same effect on me.

Rafe instructed me how to word my explanation to my pain management doctor so as not to alarm them.  I called and said I was having “intrusive thoughts” and needed to go back on a regular pain pill.  It is a step back and isn’t as effective, but I tolerate it better.  I left a message and within an hour they called me back.  I explained that I was not actively suicidal but needed to get off of the meds as soon as possible.  I had to wean myself off of the extended release pill.  It took about 10 days of me being completely off of the meds for me to see light again.  But then I had to pick up the pieces…  {{sigh}}

The winter was very long but slowly I began to actually believe that there are new mercies every morning.  I also started to paint again, but differently.  I will explain in another blog about my “Lovingly Millie” venture…

The beginning of the process...

The beginning of the process…

Further along

Further along

My choir director called me in February and asked me to play for two things…  The Cresson Lake Playhouse Cabaret and the CC Middle School Concert.  He prefaced it by saying, “You can say no.” I couldn’t find a reason to say no so I dusted off my piano and began to practice.  The cabaret went very well even though I was scared to death!  The middle school concert is the next week so we shall see…

The cast of the cabaret

The cast of the cabaret

For now I am putting one foot in front of the other, taking one day at a time.  Jazzy Joy is making me crazy, but a good crazy.  I have to walk her every day so it gets me out of the house.  I’ve also started some PiYo in an attempt to get more exercise.  Each day I am thankful that I am blessed, so very blessed.

Jazzy, before her haircut

Jazzy, before her haircut

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