Courage… Be Brave

January 30, 2016 at 4:30 pm (Anxiety, mixed media, Multiple Sclerosis, occipital neuralgia, Trigeminal Neuralgia)

One of the reasons I stopped blogging was because I didn’t want to ‘splain myself.  But, since I’ve started again, I need to be honest.  Ugh…

I have Multiple Sclerosis, trigeminal neuralgia and occipital neuralgia.  Blah blah blah… you know, I’ve explained it before, legs don’t work, eyes don’t work, pain in the head and neck – literally.

But every once in a while another issue rears its ugly head – agoraphobia.  I have one day a week that I absolutely MUST leave the house — errand day. I plan carefully for six days and I usually take my trusty sidekick, Jazzy.  I manage to make it through, although by the time I get home my anxiety is sky-high and I compensate by counting… by fives… 1,2,3,4,5 or 5,10,15,20… on and on.  By the time I get my groceries put away I am exhausted!!

This coming week I must leave the house two days — once for a very necessary hair appointment and twice on Wednesday — dentist and pain management doctor.  I am already looking towards those days, working to manage my anxiety.

Tonight I am going to a fun paint class I signed up for two months ago.  It is a fundraiser for the Cresson Lake Playhouse.  When I signed up my agoraphobia was under control. Today… not so much.  But, I said I would be there and I AM going.  I am ready to go, two hours early, with my supplies packed.  Rushing and last-minute things increase my anxiety.  If DannyO were going, it wouldn’t even be a problem.

My brain goes to stupid places like, what if there isn’t a seat for me?  What if I don’t know anyone (which is totally stupid because I know I know most of the people!!) What if I can’t find a parking place?  See??? Stupid places.

This week I’ve been working on a Journey piece for a gal I went to college with.  She chose “Find Courage for the Journey.” She had three specific Bible verses she wanted in the piece.  I put the final layer on earlier today — the beeswax.  I am going to blog later this week on my step-by-step process but today I will show you the final piece.

There is a quote I put on every “Courage” piece.  It’s by Eleanor Roosevelt.  It says, “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.  You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” 

I’m sure she was talking about people with many more problems than agoraphobia, but today it is my REAL problem so…  I will do the thing I think I cannot do.  Head out the door at 5:30, paintbrushes in hand, and enjoy myself for three hours moving paint around.

Courage-Tammy Fast

 

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Moving Through the Next Chapter of My Life (such as it is)

June 16, 2015 at 11:28 am (mixed media, Multiple Sclerosis, occipital neuralgia, Sewing Projects, Trigeminal Neuralgia)

I have been moving right along as I work through a rough spring with my trigeminal and occipital neuralgia.  When these storm systems roll through, my face and head have their own agenda.  My botox injections were adminstered late due to a change in hospitalization (which is a pain to navigate when one has chronic conditions).  The botox, while not completely effective, takes the brunt of the worst pain from me.  The last two months have been more bad days than good.

I have had some orders for my mixed media “Journey” pieces so I have been spending a few hours each day working on them.  I am having them photographed by a wonderful photographer, Tab James of AdLiv Collective in the hopes of selling prints on line.  I will continue to work on original pieces.  I promise I will blog about the beginnings of my Lovingly Millie collection.

Find Strength for the Journey

Find Strength for the Journey – Tab’s photographs bring out all the layers of the mixed media piece.

I have an order for some terra cotta pendants and usually spend an hour in the evening rolling clay and molding it — very relaxing.

I also have gained weight and not many of my clothes fit me so I am trying to sew a few summer pieces that actually look good on my “new” body.  Accepting where I am right now weight-wise is very hard for me.  I am posting these pictures, although most of my being is screaming to keep them hidden.  This is part of my journey too…

A little pink dress (the back is open with a tie)

A little pink dress (the back is open with a tie)

This actually is a

This actually is a “muslin” of a new pattern that actually fits so I will wear it 🙂

Throughout my day, my constant companion is our one-year-old Airedale, Jazzy Joy.  THIS is what she does while I create.  I promise you, this bed was beautifully made earlier in the day 🙂

The tornado that is Jazzy

The tornado that is Jazzy

Oh, and, do you like my sunglasses I got for the beach??  The great thing about glasses and earrings… they usually fit!

Cool shades!!

Cool shades!!

Be blessed and encouraged.  If I can do one productive thing on days I can only carefully move my head, so can you!!

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